Tuesday, April 24, 2012

{On This Day} {April 24th}

On this day, one year ago ---

It was Easter, and I found myself in the ER.

It was then, that I was diagnosed as having 5 large ovarian cyst, one of which ---the largest one--- was solid, and especially concerning. There was a rumored 6th cyst that had ruptured that day--- the pain from which was what brought us in to the ER, and face-to-face with a very real possibility that we may not be able to have children.

Although, it wasn't completely out of the question, the doctor on call broke it down for us as such: until we can treat my cysts, and remove/diagnose the ominous mass that was literally pulling my ovary downward, and threatening to twist it --- a baby would not be in our future. They explained that in surgery for cysts this size, many times they have to remove part or all of the ovary, and that if we didn't remove the mass soon, and it twisted, my right ovary would most likely die from a lack of blood supply.

Having that 6th cyst rupture that day left me in the most excruciating physical pain I had ever experienced --- true even to this day. But the emotional pain I felt looking at my husband --- who wanted deeply to be a father --- while the doctors told us that the possibility of having children may be in very real danger, was much worse.

Little did anyone know --- BUT GOD --- that HE chose this very vulnerable time, to work through our weakness and fear to prove himself BIGGER than medical probability. You see, on this day one year ago --- I was already pregnant.

Still too early to be picked up on ultrasound {which I had 3 of that day} and even too soon to come up with a positive reading on a pregnancy test {which I had 2 of that day}, she was there--- probably just a floating zygote looking for a comfy place to lay her head embed --- but she was there! My darling Brontë --- My living altar of remembrance that God is sovereign ---My little miss--- The ever constant gravity in my heart which brings me continually to my knees ---

SHE. WAS. THERE.


"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; before you were born I set you apart."
– Jeremiah 1:5

Thursday, April 5, 2012

{Brontë} {Baby Push-Ups}



This was taken about a month ago while waiting to see her doctor for her well baby check up --- just now got around to sharing it.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

{Just when you have it down}

Just when you have it down --- You don't.

MOTHERHOOD.

This week has been rather interesting --- Maybe I should preface this by saying that other than Brontë's time in the NICU and some related concerns after bringing her home, she has been a pretty easy breezy baby --- always sleeping great --- not fussy unless for a specific "I'm hungry", "I need a new diaper" sort of reason {or of course the predictable disdain she shows for her car seat}, but this last week she started showing those tell-tale signs that she's beginning to teeth --- super slobbers --- fussy --- biting on anything she can fit in her mouth --- waking up every couple hours through the night like she's in pain --- nursing every opportunity she gets etc.

Upon inspection, my husband and I are seeing whitish areas and various points seemingly trying to poke through --- even in the back! Could they really be MOLARS?! NO! They're suppose to get the front teeth first, right?!

Apparently, not always --- although not common, it can still be considered normal to teeth out of order --- sometimes referred to as Cross Cutting/Cross Teething.

I'm not 100% sure Brontë is Cross Teething, but it's definitely something we're paying more attention to.

Also, due to the fact that she's been nursing so much more than she typically does, I've been getting self conscious that maybe my milk production has plateaued --- maybe it's not full blown teething --- maybe she's not getting enough to eat!?

So, I started taking fenugreek a couple days ago, but now it seems I'm making too much milk and now she's having gas pain from overproduction and getting too much foremilk and not enough hindmilk to balance it! UGH!

Last week Brontë was a happy -- non-fussy --- smiley little angel, and now I think I've made a mess of it all --- trying to fix things that weren't really broken --- and I think it will take a few more days to get things back on track.

On the more positive side, we got Brontë an amber teething necklace, and there seems to be a noticeable decrease of fussiness when she is wearing it.

{Lessons}

Don't freak out --- fussiness to varying degrees is normal --- Don't be so quick to switch up what's been working and blaming everything on milk --- "what did I eat? am I producing enough?!"

Just like we have good and bad days, so do our little ones, and unnecessary changes can cause even more discomfort to you and your baby, so if it ain't really broke, don't fix it.

Be confident, be calm, and be consistent --- offering more cuddles and comfort to sooth your little love. More often than not, when you stress, they stress --- when you're at peace, they're at peace. So Check your mood.