Tuesday, April 24, 2012

{On This Day} {April 24th}

On this day, one year ago ---

It was Easter, and I found myself in the ER.

It was then, that I was diagnosed as having 5 large ovarian cyst, one of which ---the largest one--- was solid, and especially concerning. There was a rumored 6th cyst that had ruptured that day--- the pain from which was what brought us in to the ER, and face-to-face with a very real possibility that we may not be able to have children.

Although, it wasn't completely out of the question, the doctor on call broke it down for us as such: until we can treat my cysts, and remove/diagnose the ominous mass that was literally pulling my ovary downward, and threatening to twist it --- a baby would not be in our future. They explained that in surgery for cysts this size, many times they have to remove part or all of the ovary, and that if we didn't remove the mass soon, and it twisted, my right ovary would most likely die from a lack of blood supply.

Having that 6th cyst rupture that day left me in the most excruciating physical pain I had ever experienced --- true even to this day. But the emotional pain I felt looking at my husband --- who wanted deeply to be a father --- while the doctors told us that the possibility of having children may be in very real danger, was much worse.

Little did anyone know --- BUT GOD --- that HE chose this very vulnerable time, to work through our weakness and fear to prove himself BIGGER than medical probability. You see, on this day one year ago --- I was already pregnant.

Still too early to be picked up on ultrasound {which I had 3 of that day} and even too soon to come up with a positive reading on a pregnancy test {which I had 2 of that day}, she was there--- probably just a floating zygote looking for a comfy place to lay her head embed --- but she was there! My darling Brontë --- My living altar of remembrance that God is sovereign ---My little miss--- The ever constant gravity in my heart which brings me continually to my knees ---

SHE. WAS. THERE.


"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; before you were born I set you apart."
– Jeremiah 1:5

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